How To Deal With a Cheating Husband: Being married to a cheating husband is something nobody wishes for. Cheating occurs in a marriage when either (or even both) partners begin to seek marital pleasure and satisfaction with another person other than the person whom he or she is married to. Simply put; cheating occurs when a married person becomes less faithful to the spouse coupled with a manifested act of adultery or some affairs close to or concomitant to adultery.
Developing interests in other person or persons not being the spouse also amounts to cheating. It is doubtful as to between men and women who actually cheats more, and who has higher tendencies to cheat. While today we are focusing on dealing with a cheating husband, here are some tips on how to deal with a cheating husband.
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10 Tips for Women to Handle a Cheating Husband
1. Be in control of your emotions: The only way you can keep control of the situation after knowing that your husband has an affair with someone else is if you maintain control of your emotions. Whether or not he wants to stay in the marriage, if you provide that man with a calm and collected appearance, he will start to reflect and worry about your next move.
Whatever your personality, he should be a little afraid of you since he will be contemplating if you are planning to hurt him or carry out a social assassination on him. This is not the moment for emotionally-driven outbursts, so maintain your composure while thinking through your next course of action sensibly.
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2. Direct attention to the appropriate quarters: No matter how appealing it might be, resist the need to enquire about the identity of the other woman. It is pointless and will only make your grief worse to torture yourself with ideas of whether she is superior to you in terms of intelligence, beauty, or any other trait. Not about her at all!
Everything revolves around your husband’s self-control—or lack thereof. Because of anything you did incorrectly or a feature you lack, you might think he cheated. Girl, no matter how beautiful your relationship is, a man who has no regard for it will still undermine it. You could be Rihanna and still get cheated on. When you consider bothering her physically or harassing her on social media, keep that in mind.
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3. Ascertain the Facts: I consider this the first and the most important move to make from the very moment you started suspecting your husband to be cheating. Always remind yourself that it is a mere suspicion which has not been verified. At this very stage, it is important to take it gently. The moment you make your feelings and position of suspicion known to your husband, he would act faster than you to clear up the mess and would even make you feel guilt for suspecting him.
By ascertaining the facts, you are required to take the necessary moves depending on the incidences in order to get the true state of things to your knowledge. Try to get information on how he does the cheating, with whom, at where, as at when, and all of that. If you had caught him red handed in the act of cheating, that’s a different and better narrative; it won’t be a mere suspicion, and the facts already ascertained itself.
4. Get Tested: if you suspect or you know that your husband is cheating, safety measures demand that you go get tested for STDs. This is not only for your own good; it also contributes to the evidence to show that your husband is cheating (that’s if he’s been having intercourse with you at the relevant time), though it will be a bad news for your health if the test comes out positive for any STDs.
This is because there would be combined effect of trauma coming from the fact that your husband cheated and that you’re also suffering from the health implication (that’s if you too have been faithful). Well, nothing is entirely funny about cheating.
So you shouldn’t be expecting to have the best mood and the best news, since there exist a suspicion. If the test turns out negative, you are still safe, but maybe there is still a suspicion that your husband is cheating. The most important thing is to get tested. It will save you a lot.
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5. Confront your Husband: now that you have got the information you need, the next step is to confront your husband. This is quite a sensitive level. Well, you know your husband better. You know his kind and his possible reaction. You just have to confront him anyways.
Now that you have got your facts correctly, find the right time and the right manner to table the matter. Talk it out! Don’t allow him to take charge of the forum; be in charge! You can achieve this by standing firm and confident to your ground.
Don’t allow him to manipulate you with acts. At this point, the only emotion you should struggle to withhold is physical violence. Allow yourself to express what exactly you feel. Cry it out when it becomes unbearable, interchange tones, talk with passion and pain. Remember this is the love of your fucking life and he just cheated.
This is someone you’ve sacrificed all odds to spend the rest of your life with. You do not deserve to be cheated on. Now that you have confronted your cheating husband, he now knows that you know what he knows. The battle ground is now set. Men are different when they are challenged. You can never predict his possible line of reaction the moment you rub it on his face, but if course it won’t pass being defensive, calm, admittance, apologetic or being violent. Whichever way, just be open-minded. Your confrontation approach too may determine his possible line of reaction.
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6. Consider Relationship Counseling: Relationship counselors are experts in matters of love and marital relationship. You should consider booking an appointment with one. Their expertise will go a long way guiding your dealing with your cheating husband. You should trust them. You’ll be required to disclose the true state of things to them. Certain information would certainly be necessary in order for them to give you the best advice.
7. Do not Resort to Revenge: while you are undergoing the mental trauma necessitated by the event of your cheating husband, you may be tempted to go on revenge. You may just want to cheat back and even make it obvious so that your husband feels what it feels like to be cheated on.
This will actually give you a temporal relieves but it’s not entirely a good idea. If there already exist one mad person on the show, you shouldn’t make them two. Violence does not resolve violence. Avoid the temptation of resorting to revenge. You should not be found guilty of an act which you accuse another of. Save yourself some clean hands.
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8. Try not to Blame Yourself: while one may be trying to figure out why the husband cheated, she may be found attributing some faults to herself; (maybe I am not sexy enough, maybe I am not that prayerful to circumvent such possible situation, maybe I am less available for him) a whole lot of that.
It is normal to have such thoughts but the truth is that they make you appear miserable. These are depressing thoughts. You should rather try to build your confidence. Try not to blame yourself for it will make you feel worse. You are not the cheat; rather he is. Always remember this.
9. Try not to broadcast it to the Public: the only thing you will get out there is public pity and social media justice coupled with depressing comments from bad-minded people. Save some breath for yourself. Even if you’ll eventually get a divorce, it is not the business of the public.
Family matters are private matters (except for certain degree of matters). You will always get this urge to let out the incident to the public. Resist it! It won’t give you a solution; it will only give you depressing attention.
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10. Focus on your Husband: focus on your husband and not the outsider with whom he cheated on you with. You can’t be fighting double war. Asides, it is only necessary you know who the outsider is for the purpose of bringing to her notice that she’s dealing with someone whom you are married to, and also for the purpose of suing her for damages for causing havoc in your home and for costing your right of consortium.
This is the extent you can go with the outsider. Now focus on your husband. This is where the bulk of dealing with a cheating husband lies. Focus on determining your settlement, the way forward, divorce or whatever.
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Conclusion
While is it possible to forgive a cheating husband, the incident has come to be an everlasting memory. The best thing is not to be cheated on at all. You don’t want to be victim of a cheating husband. Never wish for it to be you, because there is no more you can do than the above discussed.
At most, you’ll get a divorce which is not entirely a bad idea, depending. But the best is to make the marriage work again if possible, and it is.
Edeh Samuel Chukwuemeka, ACMC, is a lawyer and a certified mediator/conciliator in Nigeria. He is also a developer with knowledge in various programming languages. Samuel is determined to leverage his skills in technology, SEO, and legal practice to revolutionize the legal profession worldwide by creating web and mobile applications that simplify legal research. Sam is also passionate about educating and providing valuable information to people.