Things to Know Before Going Into a Relationship: Singlehood is not your calling! Somebody’s son or daughter will find you one day (comic relief).
Being in love is such a beautiful thing. While being in love may trigger a relationship, love on its own does not guarantee a successful relationship. When could relationship be said to be successful? Defining what constitutes a successful relationship may be a bit complex in scope. Nevertheless, I will define a successful relationship as a purpose driven union of two persons who are defenseless towards each other. This very shrinked definition implicates the elements of a successful relationship such as trust, confidence, tolerance, purpose and love.
Are you single with an expectation of being in a relationship at a future time, or are you already in a relationship? Here are things you ought to know about relationship.
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10 Important things to consider and know before entering a relationship
1. Your Partner Is a Different Gender: The earlier you appreciate the fact that your partner is always a different gender, the easier your relationship would go. Being conscious of this fact will enable you employ appropriate approaches in your dealings with your partner. For the guys, you need to understand what the ladies want, and for the ladies, you also need to understand what men want. How do you get these facts to your knowledge?
Ordinarily, information does not come to people. People rather go for information or trigger information to come to them. It is therefore advisable to read recommendable texts on matters of love and gender affairs. Texts like; Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus by John Gray” will equip you with the relevant information needed to understand your opposite gender.
2. Relationship is Fun: Do not allow yourself to be told otherwise. It is true that there are good numbers of bad relationships out there. Do not be carried away from the fact that the good ones are greater in number. The bad ones are always louder. It is absolutely a beautiful thing to love and be loved; to have this one person whom you pour out to. Making your relationship fun is an individual responsibility which is built on love, confidence and interest.
Individual responsibility in the sense that it should not be one sided. Fun is not something that comes on its own. Some positive efforts must be made. It does not necessarily need to cost many resources. Making fun out of something can never be tiring. This too sustains a relationship. There certainly would be conflicts. Maturity, tolerance and understanding are attributes that will go a long way at managing conflicts in a relationship.
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3. Love on its Own Does Not Make Relationships Work: Love is not just a mere feeling. It is an action word. Although this is not always the case; but it is presumed generally that people initiate a relationship with someone whom they love, or better still, when they love each other. In the words of Kenny Rogers, when you love someone you will do almost anything.
In a relationship, you are to put love in action; it should not be love putting you in action instead. You must love with your heart and not with your brain. Yes, love can be intoxicating, but in some cases you could be battling with infatuations and not love. This could be so when the relationship causes you to do things which are out of ordinary. In such a case, a demand has been set and if not reciprocated or paid for, toxicity and conflict may ensue.
Sustenance of relationship is beyond love. There must be compatibility existing between the partners. There must exist some level of maturity, trust, good behaviour, confidence, common interest, similarity of standards and level of exposure, etc.
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4. There is no perfect partner out there: Before the question of tolerance and acceptance should ever come up, there should already exist a reasonable degree of compatibility between the partners. This could be by way of having common interest, standards of exposure, like principles, natural acceptance, etc.
Where all or some of these exist, then the partners must be willing to make positive efforts in order to make the relationship work. Relationship and love is all about tolerance and acceptance. There is no perfect human out there. By initiating a relationship with someone, it means that, or it is expected that there has been an acceptance of the person’s personality. Partners can infiltrate and effect changes on each other only when there has been acceptance.
Reasonable people will notice when you tolerate them and they will reciprocate and appreciate same. It is only when you accept some part of someone that you can effect changes to the person’s life. Love can be quite infiltrating. While in a relationship, get ready to acquire some of your partner’s traits. But in all, there is no perfect relationship out there. Also long as you both are willing and flexible enough to make adjustments; that alone define perfection.
5. No Relationship is Beyond Becoming Toxic: You Too Can Mastermind Toxicity: It is possible for a relationship to become toxic in a short or long run. This can occur in any relationship. The good news about this is that it brings the partners’ incompatibility to their notice earlier in time and suggests them to find their separate ways on time. Well, the challenge is that toxicity can be possessive. The best position is not to be a victim at all.
A popular writer, Crystalina Evert once said that we all know when our friends should let go of a relationship until we are that friend. In the words of Kenny Rogers, “As a gambler, know when to walk away and know when to run”. This is employed to illustrate the point that toxicity can be possessive. Clearly, not every relationship will lead to marriage. Know when to walk away.
6. You and Your Partner Isn’t the Same Person: Regardless of the compatibility and interest theories, you must understand and appreciate the fact that your partner isn’t the same as you. There can never exist smooth equality of exposure, interest and standards. Reasoning, understanding and perception can never be the same. The knowledge and acceptance of these facts makes things easier in a relationship. You and your partner are different genders with diverse orientation, grew up in different homes and backgrounds, and got influenced by different factors and experiences.
In fact, you both met each other by chance. It would be selfish and unfair to have certain kind of expectation from your partner. Your partner is an independent and autonomous individual capable of self existence without you. There are better ways to get people adjust their positions and act in your way, and for this purpose I recommend this amazing piece of practical nonfiction by Dale Carnegie, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.
7. Financial Independence; a Necessity: If you are not financially independent, you will most likely have a hard time in your relationship. Financial independence is not having a lot of money; it is about having a viable means of income. Relationship demands some level of financial commitments.
A saying goes that man is financially ready for marriage when he becomes financially capable of taking care of himself and two more persons. The “two more persons” added to the phrase implies the prospective wife and a possible offspring. On the other hand, being financially independent does not equally guarantee a smooth relationship.
8. Love Is Sacrifice: We’ll always assume that you love your partner because that’s what it should be. Sacrifice is an integral element of a smooth relationship. Love is sacrifice. When you love someone, you’ll do almost anything. Some personal adjustments must be made.
You will have to adjust your principles in order to incorporate your partner. To be in a relationship, you must be willing to be of real aid, support and concern to the personal affairs of your partner.
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Relationship is not for the fainthearted. One must be emotionally strong, mature and prepared for the incidences of relationship, both good and bad. Partners must understand that relationship demands commitment. Relationship is an agreement to be identifiable, attributable and responsible to each other. No one wants to be attributed to a person whom he or she can’t be proud of.
Edeh Samuel Chukwuemeka, ACMC, is a lawyer and a certified mediator/conciliator in Nigeria. He is also a developer with knowledge in various programming languages. Samuel is determined to leverage his skills in technology, SEO, and legal practice to revolutionize the legal profession worldwide by creating web and mobile applications that simplify legal research. Sam is also passionate about educating and providing valuable information to people.