How to Deal With an Abusive Father: Dealing with an abusive parent is a very difficult and delicate subject that affects many people all around the globe. Abuse may take many different forms, including physical, emotional, verbal, and even financial exploitation. It is critical to understand that abuse is never acceptable and may have serious long-term consequences for the victims’ mental and emotional well-being.
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Top 10 Ways to Deal With an Abusive Father
1. Recognize the Pattern of Abuse: Identify your parents’ bad attitude or conduct as emotional abuse first. Then, figure out their pattern of abuse. For example, if they run out of money at the end of the month, they may lash out at you in anger. Keep your interactions with them to a minimal in such instances. If they begin a discussion, keep your comments short and attempt to leave the room if you fear they may reject and abuse you.
2. Change your Reaction: Because emotional abuse or unsupportive conduct may be harmful to your mental health, it is advisable to divert your attention elsewhere. When you are screamed at for no apparent reason, you may want to retaliate or weep, but refrain. Responding negatively or being unresponsive might have a detrimental influence on your health. Instead, leave the room and concentrate on your breathing to relax. Take a deep breath and picture yourself in a serene environment.
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3. Remember that The Abuse is not your Fault: Even though your parents continuously blame you for their life disasters, remember that it is not your fault. Regardless of what they say or how they behave, you are not accountable for their oppressive behavior. Their internal fights with themselves emerge as abuse, and you have nothing to do with it.
4. Try to Communicate With Them: If you have the chance and your parents are in a good mood, try to communicate with them.
Tell them how the abuse or passive-aggressive frightening conduct affects you and how you are unable to cope with it. Explain to them how their behaviors are affecting your physical and emotional wellbeing, and request that they change for your benefit. This talk will not be easy, but you must have it in order to protect yourself.
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5. Keep some distance from them: If they do not change after a conversation, it is important to restrict your engagement with them and keep some space. Try to engage in pleasurable activities that will take you away from your parents.
6. Consult an Older Person or a Professional: If nothing else appears to be working, consult an elder or a teacher, or seek professional help. They may not be able to alter the circumstances for you, but they might be able to help you develop good coping methods or coach you in taking care of your mental and physical health.
7. Seek treatment or counseling: If you have been subjected to abuse, the trauma will not go away on its own. It is critical that you seek the assistance of a therapist or counselor. The sooner you begin treatment, the higher your chances of recovery. A therapist may assist you if you are concerned about being abused on a frequent basis, avoid situations that remind you of the abuse, or have overwhelming emotions of guilt, shame, melancholy, or fear due to the abuse. Therapy might assist if your thoughts of abuse prohibit you from accomplishing everyday duties or affect your interpersonal connections.
You may work with a therapist to keep yourself safe and cope with the trauma in a healthy way. If you are under the age of 18, you may discuss treatment with your school guidance counselor. Unless your guardian has expressly barred you from seeing the counselor or the counselor from seeing you, parental approval is not required to get therapy. The counselor is required to report any known or suspected child abuse. Family counseling is another option to consider.[5] Your therapist, or another, may collaborate with your family to build safety and prevent abuse. Ask your therapist if this is a possibility or if she can recommend someone.
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8. Plan for future escapes: Knowing your way around your house might assist you get out if you need to. Having a strategy might also make you feel more secure. Identify exit points from your house, such as windows, doors, fire escapes, elevators, stairs, and so on.
If you live in an apartment complex, there should be a fire escape sign and a map of the property; study it to figure out the quickest and safest route out of the situation. If your house has closed windows and doors, be sure you have keys or know how to open them ahead of time. If things are blocking useful windows or doors, move them out of the way.
9. Know where to go: Make a list of secure locations you can go in the future, such as a friend’s or family member’s home, a school, a hospital, and so on. Find the shortest journey to your designated safe location. Determine the quickest route to your destination.
You can, for example, run, skateboard, or drive (if you have a license). Make sure you have lots of locations to go and many backup plans in case folks are not available. If required, you may get phone service at a public location such as a mall or shop. Inform the persons you want to visit that they are part of your safety plan. Know when they usually come home.
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10. Avoid Very Harmful or Risky: Circumstances: People who have experienced abuse may find themselves in dangerous, unsafe, or unpleasant situations. Work to avoid future misuse. The abuse was not your responsibility, but you may act to reduce the chance of future or recurrent abuse. When you’re near your father, try to have someone with you. If possible, avoid being alone in a room with your father.
This may raise your chances of being abused. Try inviting friends over, spending time with siblings, or inviting another family member over. If you can’t avoid being alone with him, make sure you have an escape route or a technique to defend yourself if necessary. Using drugs or alcohol to deal with abuse may have disastrous effects (illegal activity, impaired judgment, overdose). To cope, avoid taking drugs. Instead, try exercise, writing/journaling, or counselling.
11. Value your healthy relationships: Healing from abuse is possible with the aid of others. Relationships that are mutually pleasant and collaborative are essential. You probably already have family members (mother, grandparents, siblings, cousins), friends, and instructors in your life who can help you. If you’ve been avoiding socializing because you’re afraid or depressed, consider reconnecting with those who are safe. Invite your pals over, or spend time with trusted family members like siblings or cousins. If you don’t want to or aren’t ready to speak to them about the abuse, you don’t have to. Simply by spending quality time together and performing engaging things (such as playing games), you may get support. Joining a support group is one approach to gain social support.
Request references from your school counselor or therapist. If you don’t have one of these, try searching online for local organizations that provide support groups for survivors of trauma and abuse. Do not accept mistreatment or slurs from friends or strangers. You are entitled to be treated with dignity. But don’t use physical violence to make your point; instead, separate yourself and spend less time with those who abuse you.
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12. Empower yourself: Many people who have been abused may feel disempowered and out of control. Regard your past of abuse as a survivor rather than a victim. This may be accomplished by incorporating a survival attitude into your persona. Consider this: “It was abuse, and I survived it.” I am not a victim; I am a survivor. I am strong enough to conquer this enormous challenge. I will continue to work to stop abuse, and nothing will stand in my way.” Determine your survivor goal or purpose. This might include providing presentations about your experience or assisting other survivors.
To summarize, living with an abusive parent needs courage, support, and a dedication to personal well-being. It is important to remember that no one deserves to be abused and that assistance is accessible to those who want it. Taking action to address the problem and emphasize safety is critical to breaking away from the pattern of abuse and creating a better, happier life. Remember that you are not alone, and that there are resources and compassionate people waiting to help you on your path to recovery and empowerment.
Edeh Samuel Chukwuemeka, ACMC, is a lawyer and a certified mediator/conciliator in Nigeria. He is also a developer with knowledge in various programming languages. Samuel is determined to leverage his skills in technology, SEO, and legal practice to revolutionize the legal profession worldwide by creating web and mobile applications that simplify legal research. Sam is also passionate about educating and providing valuable information to people.