How to deal with Disappointment: Disappointments are part of life. It is a feeling of sadness or frustration when a strongly held expectation is not met. The feeling of disappointment can arise either against oneself or against another person or persons. The feeling can also be felt against situations. No human being enjoys being disappointed; therefore one can go any extent in order to circumvent being disappointed.
However, sometimes people cannot be fully in charge of their circumstances, especially when it concerns another person. Therefore it could correctly be said that the feeling of disappointments are inescapable. Regardless of its inescapability, we are not left without remedies.
Here are practical approaches to dealing with disappointment.
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1. EXPECT LITTLE OR NOTHING: Alexander Pope in his letter to John Gay wrote, “…..blessed is he who expects nothing for he shall never be disappointed”. He regarded this as the ninth beatitude. This seems to be a proactive measure but its impact sustains even after disappointment had occurred.
This very line of Alexander Pope is explicit. When you have high expectancy, you will be highly disappointed if disappointing event occurs. But when you have little or no expectation even when you have ensured that things were channeled accordingly, one is that it gives you a sense of responsibility to continue being at watch, the other is that is helps you to acknowledge the reality of life; that things may not always go as planned.
These two highlights combined together will help you at both circumventing or limiting the chances of disappointment, and managing the effect of disappointment if it eventually occurs. This is more of a proactive measure with a long term sustenance effect. When you expect little or nothing, there would be less negative surprises and probably more positive surprises when it goes right.
2. REMAIN OPEN-MINDED: This is somewhat related to the first principle discussed above though with clear distinctions. Being open-minded is the willingness to consider new and different ideas or opinions. It is an act of flexibility. This too seems to be more of a proactive approach. When a person becomes open-minded, it means that inasmuch as necessary efforts and precautions have been made, the person even though positive, still expects less.
This drives the person to be willing to explore other varieties of ideas and options. By so doing, the person acknowledges the reality of possible disappoints and thereon puts efforts to circumvent it if possible. This too has a long term impact in dealing with disappointments. If it can be avoided, why allow it to happen? Even when it eventually happens, an open-minded person is a person open to reality. He would manage disappointments better by his very nature. Being open-minded does not imply being zealous or overzealous.
3. FREE YOUR MIND: According to Eckhart Tolle, the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. The act of freeing one’s mind is not automatic. It is something that you must be willing to do, but must put in some positive efforts to achieve. If the disappointing event is such that can be remedied, of course you can settle and thinks of possible ways to remedy it.
If you are unable to think of a workable remedy, it is very okay because you are already under pressure. Seek for professional and or confidential advice. Allow someone to do the reasoning for you while you execute afterwards. Ensure that the reasoning comes from a trustworthy person who understands your shoes. By so assigning this burden, it is a conscious effort of getting your mind freed.
If it is such which you have discovered that it is not remediable, then it is time to free your mind too. It is not remediable? Why worry for something you cannot change? Find activities to free your mind. Get engaged outside. Don’t stay indoors and get depressed.
4. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELING OF DISAPPOINTMENT: The truth is that you feel disappointment. You are actually disappointed. Your feeling isn’t lying. Now you have to acknowledge the fact that you feel disappointed. That is the true state of your feeling. Human mind is always settled and at peace with the truth. Acknowledging the existence of the feeling of disappointment has a way of relieving you. It is the first step to moving on.
5. ACCEPT, EMBRACE IT AND MOVE ON: Now that you have accepted your feeling of disappointment, you have made your first step towards moving on. If the disappointing event is the kind that is not remediable, the only peaceful option you have left is to accept the situation and move on. This is growth on its own. This is future. It is hope; it is salvation. When you embrace your disappointments, it does not imply that you love them. It means you are letting go of the disappointing event in such a way that it is no longer attached to you. It is a settlement to move on.
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6. TRY SPEAKING TO YOUR MIND: Your mind is the center of your attraction. Your mind has a direct connection with the physical. Your mind is powerful. Yet, you are in charge of your mind. Speak to it. You can do so by building your positivity. Yes, you can actually talk to yourself, not just in the mind. Talking to your mind helps you to be conscious of your actions. When disappointing event occurs, you may lose some level of control over your mind due to pressure.
This is why after disappointment occurs; there is usually likelihood of further mistakes. This can be avoided when you become intentional about your actions. By so doing, you are speaking to your mind, and you are regaining charge and control over your mind. The effect of this practice is that you’ll make no concomitant mistake afterwards as a result of the disappointment, and you will move on easily.
7. TALK TO SOMEONE: Talking to someone will help you deal with disappointment. If you’ll talk to someone about your disappointment, it should be someone you trust, otherwise you may be further disappointed. It should be either a professional, or someone who genuinely cares about you; someone who has your interest at heart.
When you talk to someone with trust and confidence about your disappointments, you’ll certainly get relived. The person need not provide solutions. Just a listening ear and a caring sympathy would do the magic.
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8. GET SOME DISTRACTIONS: Getting some distractions will go a long way helping you deal with disappointment. When you are disappointed, you would become blinded with the disappointing event. The only thing you do is to focus on the issue at hand. You need to get some rest. That’s not enough. You need to get some distractions. Distractions can be positive or negative.
Distractions are positive when they are needed, i.e when they are necessary for balance. It becomes negative when they are set to obstruct a goal. Having distinguished the both, now you know you need positive distractions. Go out there and perform you hobbies, try new things, go on adventures, go to the gym, meet family and friends. You know more than a lot to engage in. just remember this when you encounter disappointment.
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9. TRY IT ANOTHER WAY: At any point you feel disappointed over expectancy, don’t go sitting and grieving. Try it another way. Explore the other means to achieve the purpose. By exploring other means, you’ll become engaged with something.
Now you would worry less about your disappointments because you are now busy with something. After exploring other means and it eventually works out fine for you, it is a big win. The feeling of disappointment would automatically disappear.
10. BE HOPEFUL AND POSITIVE: Inasmuch as you feel disappointed, you should be hopeful for the best sine life still exists. Being positive will sustain you not to lose hope. And when you are hopeful, you would be willing to explore other ideas; and when you are hopeful, your life would easily move on.
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Disappointments are inescapable aspect of livelihood. Its either you disappoint yourself, or you disappoint people, or people disappoint you. Whichever way, t is what it is. If it is such which is remediable, you are encouraged to make effort towards finding the appropriate remedy because it is by so that you’ll find peace. When it is not remediable, you deserve peace too. The principles already supplied in this article constitute adequate remedy.
Edeh Samuel Chukwuemeka ACMC, is a Law Student and a Certified Mediator/Conciliator in Nigeria. He is also a Developer with knowledge in HTML, CSS, JS, PHP and React Native. Samuel is bent on changing the legal profession by building Web and Mobile Apps that will make legal research a lot easier.