How to Overcome Lust: This subject is so spoken of in this new age that almost all persons of a reasonable bearing are aware of it. Yet, so little is known about its reality and whether it is something that should be curbed, and the measures to see to its curbing. We have an incredible number of digital platforms where different kinds of people share all sorts of content.
People are exchanging notions and perspectives every day of their lives, and we cannot ignore something so critical to our sexual health/being. The reason for this article is to enlighten you on the subject that is lust, and ways to ‘overcome’ it where there is a need; especially in light of the many triggers that exist around us.
In the right circumstance, lusting after a person can be a good thing, but like every other great thing, becomes problematic when it gets out of control. Read on to discover all you need to know on the subject.
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Meaning of Lust
To lust is to yearn for a person in a way that is sexual. It is centered on sexual desire. When a person lusts after a given person, they hanker after them. It is as much a state of desire as it is the pursuit of such desire in a more active manner. This yearning would make you think about sexual acts, and consequently, get you aroused. Furthermore, it could be that there is no object to this desire. Sometimes, to lust is simply to want sex or acts of some sexual nature like self-gratification.
We must add that this desire is natural and should not make you feel shame or guilty. It simply means that your body is ready to be engaged in sexual activity. When you feel this way, you may find several options open to you like sex with a partner, pornography, or self-pleasure. All of these options are viable and good for you as long as you keep these urges under control.
However, this is not always the case. For many people, the urges may come up even when it isn’t very convenient or appropriate. If you want to stop thinking about these urges, or you are just looking to get them under control; there are ways, and this read would offer them in the form of five suggestions.
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Top 9 (Nine) Effective Ways to Overcome Lust for Someone
Here are five approaches that may work to conquer persistent sexual urges.
1. Admit your needs: You must know that it is very normal to have sexual urges. It means that your mind and body are healthy enough to engage in sexual thoughts. Do not bother denying them or burdening yourself with guilt anytime you feel them.
Acceptance is the first step to learning control of anything. Sexual desire isn’t any different. Instead of suffering in denial, try a different approach this time. Focus more on what you do when these urges come, rather than pretending they don’t exist. Remind yourself that you must not act on every thought that makes its way into your mind.
2. Make a list of reasons to resist: Whether you are working out a diet plan or just embarking on a new journey, it also helps to know what you are doing and why you are doing it. There are times when you will feel out of it or just exhausted with trying; this approach would encourage you by giving you a chance to focus on the reward.
Start by writing down all the reasons why you need to get your urges under control. If there is an object of your resolve, note them. After writing these reasons, pin them on something or someplace you would not be able to avoid. Repeat these reasons to yourself as many times as possible until you memorize them. Whenever you feel those unwanted urges, remind yourself (with enough resolve) exactly why you don’t need those thoughts.
3. Discover what triggers you: It is somewhat impossible to control what you do not fully recognize. Knowing your triggers can help with getting lust under control. So, whenever you get those sexual thoughts, pay close attention to where you are and what you are doing.
There are different triggers for different people. For most people, boredom, or lack of company create triggers. Some others start to feel strong sexual urges when they have company. Other possible triggers include the choice of music, the visual content of any sexual manner, alcohol, drugs, etc. Identify as much as you can to avoid them, or mentally prepare yourself when you cannot.
4. Create good distractions: This is the next approach after you have correctly identified all of your ‘lust-triggers’. This involves finding activities that would engage you enough. All the triggers listed in the previous paragraph have alternatives. For example; if you are most lustful when you are bored, get busy.
Avoid intoxicants as much as possible if those would trigger you. Don’t tempt yourself by watching any erotic content if you become lustful right after. Choose clean or PG versions if you must. Good distractions would get you focused on the other–safe–things the right way!
5. Find help: In this journey to self-control, you may need the help of a superior personality. It could be a religious person, a sex therapist, or even a good counselor. But before you start this process, ensure that such a person has enough experience in the field. This approach is to create an accountability structure. You are to make daily progress reports to this person(s) and discuss whatever challenges you may encounter.
Moreover, you must grant them direct access to you, especially when you have many triggers at a given place, and let them guide you on what to do.
As an alternative, or in addition to the former option, you may want to find a self-help group. It helps to talk about your experiences with people who can relate to them. So, ask for recommendations from your therapist or religious elder. Find what works for you.
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6. Look for love instead of desire: Lust is a very intense sexual arousal for another person. Anyone can easily recognize the difference between desire and love. Look for the traits your spouse possesses to keep yourself from dwelling on the former.
Pay more attention to the person’s personality than to their appearance if you want to maintain a connection. Don’t let thoughts that exist for a little period of time consume your thoughts. Consider your partner’s heart, intelligence, and unique traits instead.
7. Keep your relationship’s focus off of sensual pleasures: There is little likelihood that your relationship will endure if all of your attention is directed toward the physical satisfaction it may provide. Sexual closeness shouldn’t be a must for a strong relationship. It must be centered on a bigger idea, like your love for one another or your trust in your connection.
You won’t be able to hold onto anything when those pleasures are no longer experienced, possibly because of distance or time apart, like in a long-distance relationship, if you allow yourselves to be completely consumed by the joys that sexual activity offers.
8. Set Your Boundaries: This can help you avoid temptations. If you avoid temptations, you manage your desires. For instance, if you are tempted to look at porn each time you are on your computer, you have to download an app or browser extension so as to block tempting websites.
Again, if you are struggling with sexual feelings about a particular person, you have to limit how much time you spend with him/her if possible. Also, you can make your activities more public so as to make it harder to give in to sexual urges. For instance, you can use your computer in a public place (such as a coffee shop or park bench), instead of while you are alone in your room.
Again, if you go out to a bar or the beach, bring a friend who can distract and keep you busy so you are not scoping people out. If you are lusting over a specific person, avoid checking his/her social media or doing things to get his/her attention.
9. Be Transparent: Today, many people are not being transparent. So, they are going through the struggles and need help.
A person who is not transparent with his life can easily be lust. His deliverance is possible if he makes a change to be transparent.
You have to be intentionally transparent so that you can overcome lust and receive many kinds of blessing. When you focus on gaining victory or overcoming a lust in line with what God expects, you will be transparent and share it with those who can help you.
However, being transparent involves being prayed for, praying for others, confessing failure, admitting struggle and seeking out God’s truth. So, once you identify why lust is plaguing you, and what hole you may have used it to fill, the next thing you have to recognize is that you cannot defeat it by yourself. There are a myriad of resources available to help you (which is both a good and a bad thing).
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On a final note, the decision to have power over sexual urges is entirely up to you. It must be something you are willing to take on due to the level of commitment it demands.
Remember that these approaches are not voodoo wands. The goal here is to soften your raging feelings until you can distract yourself at will. This means you have to be as serious as you’re consistent. Practice them regularly; even when you are not feeling any urges. Get your mind under control!
Edeh Samuel Chukwuemeka, ACMC, is a lawyer and a certified mediator/conciliator in Nigeria. He is also a developer with knowledge in various programming languages. Samuel is determined to leverage his skills in technology, SEO, and legal practice to revolutionize the legal profession worldwide by creating web and mobile applications that simplify legal research. Sam is also passionate about educating and providing valuable information to people.