Reasons Why Most Relationships Fail: Relationship is basically the connection between two or more people in different settings. It could be romantic, or family connection, it could even be based on friendship. However, in this context, relationship as will be discussed here is the romantic kind of relationship; the connection built between two people in love and have sexual relations with each other.
Now, relationship is built on trust. The kind of trust you have in someone that no matter what happens, through thick and thin, they would always choose you, the kind of trust you have in a person that you feel safe around them, in your world, no one else exists. They are basically your go- to person. Most relationships are entered into with marriage in view. Relationship is viewed as an avenue to know someone exclusively, and if you are compatible enough, get married and have kids.
Despite how easy this may sound, it doesn’t always go as planned. Thousands of people break up every day, relationships of over three to four years crash leaving the parties broken and angry, and ruining what is left of their friendship/ connection. The purpose of this article is to tell why this happens, the reasons why these relationships fail.
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Top 13 Reasons Why Relationships Fail In This Generation
1. Lack Of Trust: Trust is the unshaken belief in a person’s reliability or capability. As stated earlier, trust is the bedrock of every relationship. It is the feeling of security a person has in his/her partner that he/she will always have his/her back, no matter what; the trust that when given so many options, they will always choose themselves. In the event the parties lose this trust, the relationship begins to fail.
This is because distrust opens doors for so many vices like cheating, lying and even insecurities that might lead to them quarrelling from time to time.
2. Cheating: This is a situation where either of the parties is dating and having sexual relations with third parties without the consent of the partner. Cheating ensures that the cheating partner doesn’t spend as much time as he would have, if he/she were faithful in the relationship as more time would be spent on the person who is being cheated with.
Aside this, when the partner begins to suspect that the other is cheating, it creates room for insecurity and constant fights. It demoralizes the innocent partner and research has it that people who discover they are being cheated on in a relationship usually first start by doubting themselves and comparing themselves with the person their partner cheated with. Cheating is one sure way to make a relationship fail. Even when the other partner forgives the infidelity, the relationship is always never the same as there is no longer in existence, trust for each other.
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3. Sexual Incompatibility: This occurs when the parties are not sexually compatible. It is evidenced in instances where either partner has a high libido and the other doesn’t, also in circumstances where one of the parties has crazy fetishes that the other isn’t willing to do, there is also selfishness on the part of either of the spouse where the partner needs certain thing to be one before sexual orgasm is achieved but the other is not willing to try out.
There is also the issue of morality and religion. For example, one of the parties believes in sexual purity before marriage and the other does not. This kind of situation in a relationship would have the parties breaking up real quick. We also have instances where the partner complains of the size of the other’s sexual organ, usually the male organ most times. It is always advised that parties be sexually compatible. The parties should be able to turn each other on, and enjoy each other sexually.
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4. Morality: Morality is the principle guiding right or wrong for individuals. Morality is very subjective and is usually dependent on the kind of society the individual was raised, the religion he was raised under and even parental influence. To some people, stealing to give the poor is not morally wrong because it has to do with giving other people, not minding the fact that it involved causing a person that is, the victim unnecessary pain. To other, stealing is stealing. And as such, it is morally wrong regardless of the intention of the thief.
Parties in a romantic relationship cannot fully connect when they have a different standard as to morality. That is, what the other party deems wrong is not shared by the other party.
For instance, where one party considers an open relationship to be ideal and the other does not, or where either party believes in ‘body positivity” and nudity, and the other is a conservative person, it could cause a strain in the relationship. Even more, it will be practically impossible to raise children under this setting, as they will be conflicting morals taught to the child, which in the long run has damaging consequences to the child.
5. Conflicting Aspirations: Where the parties have different aspiration and life goals, it could cause the relationship to fail. An example is where one of the parties wants to travel out of the country and the other doesn’t, another is where one party wants to be a secular musician and the other party is a religious conservative and one that sees such acts as sinful. It could cause a serious strain in the relationship.
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6. Money: Whether we like it or not, money adds flavor to life, love and everything good. Like the famous Nigerian Musician said, “love is sweet but with money, it becomes sweeter”. There is no long relationship without money. Money gives comfort, it affords the parties to go out for vacations, to explore the world, and have fun to kill boredom.
It opens avenues to know each other by participating in fun activities. A relationship where both parties are poor is always likely to fail. Basically, all they do is work, go hungry, have sex and get mad. And like the saying goes, “a hungry man is an angry man.”
7. Poor Communication: As a result of this lack of communication, many couples regularly misunderstand each other. If one doesn’t know how to work through these misunderstandings, this might lead to quarrels.
Many people ruin their relationships by expecting that their significant other can and should read their body language and simply know what’s on their mind.
It’s not enough to be tell one’s partner what’s on their mind but one has to listen too. Communication goes two ways —talking and listening —and when the other party believes they are being neglected, they will believe that their thoughts and feelings are unimportant, and the relationship will suffer as a result.
Conflicts in relationships frequently result from poor communication, and breakups are common. As a result, for a successful relationship, effective communication is crucial. People in relationships should be able to communicate their feelings whether positive or negative.
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8. Anger: How parties respond to each other matters a lot. To most people, when angry, they say things they do not mean, especially with the intention to hurt the other party. After the argument the deed has already been done with the other party feeling angry and hurt. This is one of the reasons relationships fail.
Anger is very inevitable, but parties should watch what they say to each other when angry. These words have their own way of marring the relationship even before it has barely begun.
9. Lies: A liar is a criminal in training. When lies are introduced into a relationship it leads to the parties questioning themselves as to their reality. It also leads to the parties losing trust in the partner and welcoming insecurities. When this happens the relationship is on the dark long road to its end. This is why it is always advised to be truthful to your partner. Transparency is always key to lasting relationships.
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10. Empathy: This is the ability to understand another person by placing yourself in their shoes. Empathy is needed in every relationship with people, romantic or not. Especially where either of the parties has had a long day or a disagreement with a third party and relates it to his/her partner. It is expected that the party receiving the message empathize with the partner and be his/her safe place.
11. Distance: Distance in a relationship is of two types: physical and emotional. Physical distance is when the couple live in different cities or countries. It means their relationship has to live on texts, calls, and FaceTime, which can be draining and exhausting. Not all relationships can survive on a long-distance basis, even if they communicate every day. There will always be this feeling of distance.
Unless there’s an active plan to move together and stay in the same city, LDRs are always quick to hit rock bottom when faced with challenges. On the other hand, emotional distance occurs when the couple has different or irreconcilable emotional needs. No matter how much time they spend together in the same location, there’s always this disparity, which can lead to resentment and friction in the person who is putting forth more effort in order to be liked more.
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12. Selfishness: The human instinct and mind can be very selfish. In most cases, the mind desire such things that may not be common and compatible with your spouse. The instinct to survive, sometimes, may derail the mind into forgetting the importance of mutuality and selflessness upon which love and affection rests.
Being in a relationship occasions such sacrifice for one another in times of abundance and scarcity and to always sought after the things that would be of common benefit for both parties. It may be hard to observe at all times but definitely doable and should be imbibed by couples in other to avert the catastrophic turn their relationship might take if they should act or continue acting otherwise.
13. Lack Of Emotional Intimacy: Every relationship is built on a foundation and such foundation can be categorized in parts one of which is emotional intimacy. The concept of intimacy can be interpreted in many ways like sexual intimacy, physical intimacy and of course; emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy has to do with the availability of a spouse as a strong emotional support for the other spouse in times of need.
Such needs are usually emotional such as, mood swings, midlife crises, confusions and other emotional challenges they might be facing from time to time. The unavailability of a spouse for the other in times of such emotional challenge may be seen and interpreted with strong reservations that is capable of ending the relationship so, it is one of the grounds or factors that could make a relationship fail.
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In conclusion, every relationship has its ups and downs. This is because it involves two different people, from different background, holding different beliefs with minds of their own. The relationship will not fully work until the parties decide to make it work.
Edeh Samuel Chukwuemeka, ACMC, is a lawyer and a certified mediator/conciliator in Nigeria. He is also a developer with knowledge in various programming languages. Samuel is determined to leverage his skills in technology, SEO, and legal practice to revolutionize the legal profession worldwide by creating web and mobile applications that simplify legal research. Sam is also passionate about educating and providing valuable information to people.